You can be breathing, working, even laughing, and still be in survival mode.

Ligia Koijen Ramos
Oct 30
2 min read

There are moments when everything looks fine from the outside. And yet, inside, something has quietly shut down.

This is not a post about resilience. This is a conversation about the invisible weight many people carry , especially those who lead, parent, care, and give.

The moment I knew I wasn’t really living

I was standing in a room, leading a session on communication. The people were engaged. I even smiled. But something felt... mechanical. Later, in the stillness of a hotel room, I noticed it. My shoulders were tense. My breath was shallow. I had said “yes” to the world, but said “no” to myself for days.

That’s when I realised: I wasn’t present. I was functioning. And functioning is not the same as living.

“Survival mode protects you. But it also disconnects you, from joy, from choice, from yourself.”

What the brain does when you’re “fine” but not safe

In neuroscience, we call it the stress response, a state where the amygdala hijacks your awareness and the prefrontal cortex (your wise, reflective brain) goes offline.

Your system floods with cortisol and adrenaline. Digestion slows. Creativity dims. You don’t make decisions, you react. And here’s the catch: you can live like this for months. Years. Especially if no one ever taught you to feel safe in stillness.

So what now? A tool I use with clients (and myself)

Try this for 3 days:

Each evening, ask your body one question, out loud, hand on your chest: “Are you surviving or are you here?”

Don’t judge the answer. Don’t try to fix it. Just let your nervous system know someone is finally listening. It sounds simple. But this act of listening is what helps the brain feel safe enough to reconnect.